“At Times, I Feel Disconnected From My True Authenticity In Order To ‘Play The Game’ At Work…” (Roadblock #5)
Every day, as you enter the office and greet your colleagues they ask you “How are you?” and naturally you blurt out your automatic answer “I’m fine, thank you. How are you?” without even thinking about it. But you know that it’s not always true. Some days you really feel awful, but you just ‘play the game’ and fake it. That may seem trivial and not a big deal, but it often doesn’t stop there and it may actually go much deeper…
There are other occasions when you ‘play the game’ in front of your colleagues at work because you are afraid of revealing your truth. In order to be responsive to various demands from customers, co-workers, and upper management, you may find yourself behaving in ways that are not consistent with your ‘true self’ and you start to feel fake – like an imposter.
To some extent, of course, we are all imposters. We play roles on the stage of life; presenting a public self that differs from the private self we share with intimates and morphing both selves as circumstances demand. Displaying a facade is part and parcel of the human condition. One reason the feeling of being an imposter is so widespread is that society places enormous pressure on people to stifle their real selves.
Bronnie Ware, an Australian palliative care nurse for terminally ill patients wrote about the five recurring themes that haunted many of the people she cared for. She found that the number one regret of dying was “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
Other surveys about peoples’ regrets before they die revealed similar wishes such as, “I wish I’d cared less about what other people think” and “I wish I had lived my own life rather than how society taught me to live.” People wish they had been more authentic and lived true to who they were. They wish they had felt no need to prove themselves and had just been their true selves.
Findings of the research showed that feeling inauthentic is not a fleeting or cursory phenomenon – it cuts to the very essence of what it means to be a moral person.
Inauthenticity due to the neurotic imposture, being subservient to others or sacrificing/compromising your opinions and feelings may have similar psychological consequences as immoral behaviours – like lying or cheating since both types of behaviours are a violation of being true, whether to others or oneself. For example, when we fake excitement for something we don’t want to do or try to fit in with a crowd that doesn’t share our values, we are lying about our true selves.
How do you feel when you have to fake it and ‘play the game’ at work to fit in?
Are you feeling foreign in your own skin?
Why do we feel the need to fake it in the first place?
In our opinion, we act certain ways to have the approval of others because we have a strong need to belong and we fear rejection and criticism. This is deeply rooted in our animal survival instinct. In the wild, animals rejected by their herd, or abandoned and left alone, are more likely to die. Although this is not always the case for us in modern society, we have this animal instinct that fuels fear of rejection.
Feeling fake and disconnected from your true self doesn’t have to last one more day. Breaking through the neurotic imposture; breaking through the mask and letting your true authenticity shine forth confidently is within your reach.
With the right strategies, mindset, and the right coach to guide you through, you too can break free from feeling like an imposter, feel at home in your own skin, and be confident that the best gift you have to offer is to live authentically.
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